Chapter 332 — Pomegranates

The Chen who served as Assistant Commissioner in the Embroidered Uniform Guard's Zhenfu Bureau?

Dou Yan thought it over for a moment.

She remembered that when Chen Jia had come to see her, he had been no more than a petty squad leader in the Guard. In the space of a few days, he had become an Assistant Commissioner of the Zhenfu Bureau... It seemed Song Yan really had put in a word for him with Shi Chuan.

Still, she had no intention of receiving Chen Jia.

Whatever his motives, the fact remained that Chen Jia had helped Suxin. Since he had had nothing to do with those who had robbed Suxin, and Song Yan had already spoken on his behalf, the debt owed to Chen Jia had been repaid.

Dou Yan instructed the little maid: "Give that old woman a tael of silver. As for the pomegranates, let her take them home for her grandchildren."

The little maid answered and went off.

The Second Young Madam of the Lu household asked in surprise, "Sister-in-law, how do you come to know someone from the Embroidered Uniform Guard?"

The Guard's men had a foul reputation; princes and ministers alike turned pale at the mention of them.

Dou Qu said, "He is an acquaintance of the heir's. As for why he sent us pomegranates, we shall have to ask the heir when he returns."

The Second Young Madam of the Lu household visibly relaxed a good deal, and said to Dou Yan with a certain earnest gravity, "The heir's wife of the Yan'an Marquis household, the eldest young madam of the Jing Zhenguo household, the fourth madam of the Yunyang Count household, and the lady of the Donglin Count household are all gentle, kind-hearted women. If you are able to attend the birthday feast of the Duke of Jingguo's wife, I will introduce you to them when the time comes, so that you need not be bored."

Dou Yan could hear the sincerity in her words and thanked her again and again, yet a strange feeling could not help flickering through her heart. The lady of the Donglin Count household was the very woman who, in her previous life, had entered the Song family together with her own daughter.

At this time, she should still be in the flower of her youth, having been married to the Count of Donglin only a few years.

That evening, as Song Yan read by lamplight, Dou Yan lifted her head and studied him.

In her previous life, just how absurd had Song Yan been?

When he was with Lady Zhou and women like her, had he been as free and unrestrained as he was with her?

The images of the two of them together—scenes that made the face burn—flashed through her mind.

Dou Yan felt as though she had drunk a jar of aged vinegar, sour to the point of bitterness.

She could not help clutching at her collar.

In this life, would Song Yan still have dealings with those women?

Her face turned dead white before she was even aware of it.

Song Yan, who had noticed her furtive glances the moment she began, had been rather pleased a quarter of an hour earlier by the slightly dazed look in Dou Yan's eyes; the next moment he was badly startled by the color of her face.

"Shouyuan, Shouyuan!" Song Yan hurriedly gathered Dou Yan into his arms, calling her by the milk name they used only in their most intimate moments. "What is it? Are you unwell?"

The warmth of his embrace quickly steadied Dou Zhiwei's emotions.

She drew a deep breath and kept telling herself that it was all in the previous life, that she must on no account confuse the previous life with this one—that would only be to seek out her own sorrow.

The things of the previous life—she would not let them happen again.

"Nothing," said Dou Zhiwei. Though her face was still a little pale, her expression had softened greatly. She hedged, "I saw you staring at your book without blinking, and I wanted to see what it was you were reading..."

Song Yan said nothing, only looked straight at her, his expression grave and solemn. "Shouyuan, do you trust me?"

Dou Chu was taken aback.

Song Yan had already gone on earnestly: "If you trust me, then whenever you meet with something difficult, you must tell me."

He lowered his eyes, and a fleeting shadow of loneliness passed through them.

When he raised them again, there was only warm laughter in his gaze.

"I am reading the *Illustrated Exposition of the Changes* by Chen Yan, formerly Grand Secretary of the Grand Secretariat." He straightened up and showed Dou Yan the cover of the book.

The warmth of his body, too, faded with the distance between them until it was scarcely perceptible.

Dou Yan felt as though her heart were being cut with a knife.

Song Yan was so clever a man, and they were so close in body and flesh—how could she possibly hide anything from him?

His playing the deaf and dumb was simply his way of respecting her wishes.

And yet she, wretched creature, had flattered herself that she was sparing him pain.

She could not help but cling tightly to his arm, wanting to hold on to that warmth.

"Yantang, I—I may be with child!" Dou Yan's face flushed to a burning red. Her head bowed, her eyes fixed on the camellias painted in gold lacquer on the kang table, she murmured the words.

"What?" Song Chu did not understand at first. "You may be with what?"

Dou Yan's blush spread from her face to her very neck.

Twice a life she had lived, and this was the first time she had ever been so embarrassed.

The last time, the news of her pregnancy had been spread entirely by the physician.

But looking at Song Yan's anxious, urgent expression, she had no choice but to murmur once more: "My—my monthly courses have not come for some time now..."

Song Yan froze for a moment before it dawned on him.

A moment later, a wave of enormous joy struck him.

"Shouyuan," he cried, leaping up and dropping down from the kang to crouch before Dou Zhiwei. "Is it true? Is it really true?"

Holding Dou Zhiwei's hand, Song Yan gazed up at Dou Yan, his eyes bright and sparkling, brilliant as stars.

"It may be," Dou Chi did not dare speak with certainty. "We'll have to wait a few days, until a physician has felt her pulse, before we know…"

Song Yan gave a rather foolish laugh, then suddenly let out an "ah" and, a flicker of nervousness in his expression, asked her in a low voice, "Then—did I hurt you yesterday?" As he spoke, a trace of self-reproach crept into his face. "I should have thought of it sooner… I truly shouldn't have treated you that way yesterday…"

Most men would never have noticed such things.

Dou Qu said, "This matter is not yet certain. Perhaps I have guessed wrongly."

"How could anyone guess wrongly about such a thing?" Song Yan assumed Dou Ci was only trying to comfort her.

Dou Yan had no choice but to say, "Sometimes, when one longs for a child very much, the longing itself can produce a false appearance of pregnancy…"

Song Yan chuckled and asked softly, "So Shouyuan wants a child of ours very badly too, does she?"

Was that an answer to the question, or wasn't it?

Dou Yan broke out in a sweat.

What on earth was he going on about?

Yet this conjecture filled Song Yan with immense delight.

He carried on down the same road on his own: "Even if it's wrong, it doesn't matter. We'll have a child soon enough—think of it as practice."

Dou Yan was caught between laughter and tears.

Song Yan had already risen, fairly brimming with excitement. "When can we send for a physician to feel your pulse? I'll sleep in the study tonight! Are you hungry? What would you like to eat? When Dong Qi's wife was with child, he begged the people at the Wine and Vinegar Bureau to get plums for him. It's winter now—I wonder whether the bureau still has any plums left over from brewing. I'll have to go to the Wine and Vinegar Bureau tomorrow…"

Wasn't that a rather enormous leap of thought?

Dou Yan was somewhat dumbfounded, yet something inside her bubbled up like spring water, a feeling wondrous beyond words.