Chapter 26 — Before Departure

Aunt Ding lay trembling on the ground like a withered autumn leaf, as though a single gust of wind might blow her away.

Dou Yan turned her head away, her eyes calm and unruffled.

If you let yourself be used as another man's weapon, you had better be ready for the day when the bow is put away and the hound is stewed.

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That night, Aunt settled in at the Dou household.

She sent for Granny Yu to have a talk.

Dou Chi did not need to guess what Aunt would say.

Nothing more than entrusting her to Granny Yu's care.

What a pity—when Mother had married in, she had brought half the Zhao family fortune with her, and yet beside the Dou family's wealth it amounted to no more than a drop in the sea.

Silk and gold move the hearts of men.

To try and win people over with a few words may serve for a time, and may serve when there is nothing to compare it against—but as the years pass, with glory and riches like the Dou family's ever at hand, a person cannot help but lose their head.

What happened in her last life was proof enough.

She had no interest in knowing.

Being able to find Tuo-niang was already a stroke of luck.

Dou Yan slept soundly and rose early the next morning; before the sky had even brightened she had Tuo-niang carry her to the guest rooms where Aunt was resting.

Aunt had not yet risen, and was quite surprised to hear that Dou Yan had come.

Dou Yan was already running in, scrambling hand and foot up onto the kang: "Aunt! Aunt! I want to sleep with you!"

Aunt laughed softly, lifted her onto the kang, and bundled her up in the quilt, holding her close.

Aunt smelled faintly and pleasantly of magnolia.

She said to Aunt, "Aunt, shall I write letters to you from now on?"

Aunt was taken aback.

Dou Yan said, "I know about letters—you write the things you want to say on paper, so that Aunt will know what I have been doing."

Aunt hugged her tightly. "Shouyuan is such a good child! If only your mother were alive to see it—how happy she would be!" Her voice was full of melancholy.

Nurse Peng urged her: "You must not say such things in front of the child."

"No more, no more," Aunt said with a smile, and told Nurse Peng to fetch Yuzan.

A flicker of Dou Yan's eyes and she understood.

"Yuzan is not here," she said, grinning. "Aunt Ding wants to marry her off to someone."

Aunt's expression tightened, and she asked gently, "Who does Aunt Ding want to marry her to?"

"I don't know!" Dou Yan shook her head with artless indifference.

Aunt thought for a moment, then said to Nurse Peng, "Then call Tuo-niang here instead."

Nurse Peng assented and called Tuo-niang in.

Aunt had Nurse Peng reward her with twenty taels of silver. "If anything happens to the Fourth Young Lady, tell Granny Yu; and if Granny Yu cannot manage it either, find someone to write me a letter."

Nurse Peng gave Tuo-niang a small slip of paper. "This is the master's and mistress's address. In a little while I will teach you how to read it aloud, and you must memorize it."

Tuo-niang nodded again and again, and tucked the slip away close to her body—but she would not accept the twenty taels.

"Take it," Aunt said. "I have instructed Granny Yu to give you five taels every month from now on, for the Fourth Young Lady's expenses. I know the Dou family will also give the Fourth Young Lady her monthly allowance, but it always puts the heart at ease to have a little silver of your own. And besides, should some urgent matter arise, you will need silver to pay someone to bring us word."

Tuo-niang nodded and tucked the two silver ingots into her bosom.

Dou Yan leaned in Aunt's arms and chattered away.

"I want to play with Cousin, but I don't want to go to Anxiang," she said, looking deeply troubled. "Mother has gone to the South Sea to worship the Bodhisattva—what if she comes back and cannot find Shouyuan? I want to wait for her at home. What if Father forgets Mother? What if Granny Yu gives Mother's pretty clothes away to someone else? Then when Mother comes back there will be no one to play with her, and no clothes for her to wear..."

Aunt was struck dumb.

Then she grew agitated.

"To think I have lived so many years and am no match for a three-year-old child!" Aunt cupped Dou Zhiwei's face in her hands and planted a loud kiss on it. "Shouyuan is right. This is Shouyuan's home, and the Dou family ought to raise Shouyuan properly. Why should she have to slip away to the northwest with us in secret and leave this house to others to lord it over! Good child, we are not going to the northwest. In a couple of years Aunt will come back to see you. And if the Dou family dares to treat you the least bit badly, I will not let them off easily."

Dou Xin nodded and nodded, eyes squinting with delight.

She had never intended to go to the northwest with Uncle's family to his post.

This was her home. Why should she retreat without a fight, why should she hand over to others what ought to be hers?!

She would not leave.

If she ever did leave, it would be because she had grown tired of the Dou household and wanted a change of scene.

Not because she had been driven out of it against her will.

Dou Yan stepped out of the guest chamber into a sky flooded with dawn, the rosy clouds staining the blue expanse red.

An immortal strokes my crown, and with bound hair I receive the gift of eternal life.

She stood beneath the eaves, still and silent, gazing up at the sky.

If something like rebirth could happen to her, then what was there that could not be done?

She would choose her own life, and never again be chosen by it.

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O(∩_∩)O~

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