Chapter 75 — Honesty (Bonus chapter for 570 pink votes)

Chen Yanzhou pondered for a long while, then asked Dou Yan gravely, "It is said that a woman's lack of talent is her virtue. May I ask why the Fourth Miss Dou insists on engaging a resident tutor to lecture on the classics and histories at home?"

Since some matters were to be entrusted to Chen Yanzhou, it was better that some matters be spoken of openly.

Such were Dou Yan's principles in choosing people to serve her.

"Uncle Chen has no doubt already learned all there is to know about my affairs," she said after a moment's thought. "There was a time when I was certain that since Lady Wang had already been taken as a concubine, the Dou family would never, for the sake of its reputation, raise her to the position of wife. I was wrong. With Zeng Yifen restored to office, Wang Xingyi rising in power, and my fifth uncle's ambitions, Lady Wang was not only made the legal wife—I, too, became a pawn in the contest between the Wang and Dou families." Here she paused, lifted her teacup, and took a slow sip; her voice grew somewhat bleak. "I have often thought: as a child I had no strength to struggle, but now that I am grown, am I to go on living as 'meat on the chopping block, a fish to be carved'? And within ten years at most, the Wang and Dou families will settle their score. What will become of me then?"

In her former life, Wang Xingyi and Dou Bingheng had needed only nine years to determine the victor.

In this life, though circumstances had changed, who could guarantee that Dou Bingheng would be the one to alter history and emerge the winner?

In her former life she had been a mere blade of grass, a creature of no consequence, and even so Wang Shuying had hated her. In this life, half of the West Dou fortune stood in her name...

Dou Yan set down her teacup. The lid struck the bowl with a crisp, pleasant chime of porcelain that rang out with peculiar loudness in the silent study.

"Once I knew only that the Dou family treated me ill, that Lady Wang and I were enemies who could not share the same sky. But I never carefully considered how things had come to such a pass," she said, her voice clear. "Only now do I see it plainly. The court may be far away, but the smallest ripple there can swell into a towering wave and plunge me into ruin in an instant. Before, I fixed my eyes only on the people and affairs around me. I watched the wind rise and the waves break without knowing what any of it had to do with me—much less how to avoid it..."

In her former life, only after she became a marquis's wife had she gradually come to understand the bond between the court and the inner chambers. In this life, the feud between the Wang and Dou families had deepened her understanding. Confined as she was by the station of a sheltered young lady, she was doomed to learn of the world outside only through others—and from that had come the notion of finding someone to be her eyes, to observe on her behalf. Chen Yanzhou was unquestionably the best candidate she could find at present.

Chen Yanzhou understood at once. "With bronze as a mirror, one may set one's cap and robes straight; with others as a mirror, one may learn one's gains and losses; with history as a mirror, one may learn of rise and fall..."

"No, no, no," Dou Yan said. "I have no ambition so grand. I wish only to keep what I now possess—not to be spied upon, not to be coveted, not to be used, not to be sold out, not to be manipulated... that is all."

Chen Yanzhou was puzzled, and he put it with some delicacy: "But is not everything the Fourth Miss possesses today a gift of the Dou family?"

"Uncle Chen may not know this," Dou Yan said with a smile, watching Chen Yanzhou. "Before Lady Wang was made the legal wife, my uncle acted on my behalf, and West Dou transferred half its fortune into my name as my dowry. At present it is managed for me by my third cousin of the second branch of East Dou." She then told Chen Yanzhou of the agreement between the Zhao and Dou families.

Beads of sweat the size of beans dripped from Chen Yanzhou's brow.

He lived in Dongxiang Tower, a gathering place for rogues and idlers, and yet he had never caught the faintest whisper of it.

What did that mean?

His eyes flew wide with alarm.

Someone did not want this matter to get out.

If no one knew of it, who stood to benefit?

"Fourth Miss Dou," said Chen Yanzhou, who prided himself on being a cool-headed man but who now could not help wiping his brow with his hand, "your position... is truly... a grave concern..."

"That depends on how you look at it, and how you think of it," Dou Yan said lightly, as though it were nothing. "Fortune lies hidden within misfortune, and misfortune within fortune. A good thing may turn bad, and a bad thing may likewise turn good. With that fortune in hand, and a company of capable people trained to stand firm in a crisis, we may sit on the Yellow Crane Tower and watch the boat capsize. Whether the Wangs win or the Dou family wins, neither will likely be able to touch me." She smiled sweetly at Chen Yanzhou. "Rather than asking Uncle Chen to be my private tutor, I might better say I am asking him to be my teacher—to teach me how to shun ill fortune and seek good, and live out my days in comfort and ease."

Had Dou Yan been a boy, Chen Yanzhou would have agreed without a moment's hesitation. But Dou Yan was a girl...

He hesitated, then said: "Might I ask whether the Fourth Miss Dou is betrothed?"

"I have no intention of marrying," Dou Yan said.

Chen Yanzhou was taken aback.

"The Dou family is prosperous and numerous," Dou Yan said. "I already have eleven nephews, and there will only be more. Why should I marry?"

Married, she would bear children and raise them, be some man's wife and some man's mother, and have only a husband and sons to rely upon. Unmarried, she would forever be a daughter of the Dou family, able to rely on every last one of them—a far greater choice!

"But..." Chen Yanzhou could not bring himself to agree. "You cannot mean to spend your whole life alone and friendless?"

She had already married, already borne and raised children. It was no more than that.

But these things Dou Yan could not explain to anyone. She could only say: "For the present, is this not the best course? What in this world stays forever unchanged? Let us first find firm ground beneath our feet and talk of the rest later! To live with head held high and chest thrown out is worth more than any marriage."

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This chapter gave me a great deal of trouble—this is the third draft, and I have run rather late. My deepest apologies; I suggest you all read today's update when you get up tomorrow morning!

o(n_n)o~

ps: This story has a fairly large structure, and I set several political events as background. Later I realized it had grown too complicated, so I merged some of them while writing. I caught some of the problems quickly enough, but others may still be lurking. There are a few inconsistencies in the dates; if anything puzzles you, leave a note in the comments.

For now I have standardized the palace coup to the twentieth year of Chengping, which should make for clearer reading.

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